Family Rules

So my sister is kind of neurotic and a bit of a weirdo, but that’s probably why we get a long so well. But anyways, I started writing down the things that she told me that I was and wasn’t supposed to do all the time. We call them the “Family Rules,” but pretty much only her and I recognize them as that. I mean, we’re the only ones that count in the family anyways, right? Exactly. So here is our short list of family rules and a little explanation of how each came about. It goes without saying that everything not included on this list is wide open, just don’t act like an idiot. We hate idiots.  (More to be added soon, inevitably).

1. Don’t drink and drive. 

This is one of those obvious, “don’t be an idiot,” rules. We like to have a good time just like any other person, but don’t let your choice be someone else’s pain. Whether you think they do or not, your actions affect others. So be smart. Always have a plan and don’t put yourself and others in danger.

2. Always wear sunscreen.

This is one of Allison’s (sister) biggest things. We both grew up in Northwest Florida living 15 minutes from the beach. So we spent nearly every summer on the beach chasing a tan. She now wears an obnoxious amount of SPF 100+ in an effort to live forever. If any of your skin is showing and you are going to be outside, it needs to be coated in sunscreen. Allison really believes that she can make herself live forever by avoiding sun damage from now on. Which, is a noble goal, but lets be honest, some people just don’t pull off the casper look. Allison rocks it. Me? Not so much.

3. Never wear open toe shoes in New Orleans.

Okay, the story behind this one is awesome. My sister and her husband got married two years ago in May. Her husband and his friends did a bachelor party weekend in New Orleans. Now typical brides-to-be usually lay out the rules for their fiancé before they venture out on their last night out as a single man with all their gross frat boy friends. However, my sister was no typical bride-to-be. My weirdo sister only had one rule for him as he visited the city of sin, notorious for excessive fruity alcoholic drinks in embarrassing souvenir cups, jello shots, and prostitutes and strippers on every corner. That rule was that he had to wear closed toe shoes at all times. She stated, and I quote, “I will not marry you if you don’t wear closed toe shoes the entire time you’re there.” Yep, that’s my neurotic sister. She said that New Orleans was gross and the streets were covered with diseases that he could contract in his toenails.  And thus, it became a family rule.

So with the obvious monopolization of rule making by my sister, you are getting the idea that she’s a bossy witch. But before Allison became the bossy pants she is today, she was taught by her predecessor, Mom. Now mom is just about as bossy and crazy as my sister, but my sister is just a lot more intolerant and a much bigger witch. So here are a few of the original, but never before written down, family rules from the queen of boss herself.

4. Just say okay.

Allison and I used to get lectured about random crap by our dad all the time. But one thing Allison never learned was to just say “okay.” Allison loved to talk back and argue with everything my dad told her, even if he was obviously right. Therefore, she would get to sit there in an arguing match with him all night instead of just saying, “Okay, dad, I won’t back into your truck as I leave the driveway,” and not get to go see whatever screamo, emo, punk band she was into that week. Mom always told her to just say “okay,” but this was one rule Allison just loved to break.

5. This is as pretty as you’ll ever be, so enjoy it!

This one may sound like one of those inadvertent compliments, but that’s only because it kind of is. Mom always told us that we would never be prettier or younger than we are right now, so we better not waste it being insecure or thinking we’re ugly because it only gets worse. Writing that out now it sounds kind of bad, but it always motivated me. And now when I go back and look at pictures of myself from high school, I always say how pretty and skinny I was. But then I remember how I still thought I was fat. It’s amazing, Mom was right. But what else is new?


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